Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The 20 Greatest Things About Being an Artist

20) You can go days without a bath and no one will think it's strange

19) You can have holes and paint on your clothes and look cool

18) You can pretty much have free wine every night because you know where all the openings and closings are

17) You can tape tampons together and say it's art without flinching, and probably sell it too

16) You can legitimately call Bob Ross your grandfather-- because isn't he really Grandfather to us all

15) You vomit when you hear the name Thomas Kincaid but secretly want to sell shitty prints for millions

14) You actually have real art in your home

13) When you hate someone you paint their face and throw darts at it

12) You know who Mr. Brainwash is and you really don't give five fucks

11) You hate all art contests unless you get chosen to be in them, then they are relevant and forward thinking

10) You have lived off Ramen and you still kind of like it

9) You want to have a museum show and it's the main reason you are sad you're not dead yet

8) You can have half pink have white hair and people will think you are so spunky

7) Your good patrons feed you

6) You can make a sculpture of a penis or vagina and it will end up in the media

5) You are part of an elite crew that any bastard can be a part of

4) You can make up bullshit about your work at shows and drink more and then make up more shit

3) You can pierce your tooth if you want to and call it being hard

2) You know what the words stretcher, medium, patina, Utrecht, dick blick, gesso, vine charcoal, fixative, medium, resin, acetylene, Gauche, and poser mean

1) You really would like to meet Banksy so you can turd on his shoe.

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